


Ronald McDonald, the Hamburger-Happy Clown

by conatusxconatus



Category: McDonald's - Fandom
Genre: :(, Fame, High-school dropout, Insanity, Middle School, Obsession, Ronald McDonald is not OK
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:41:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22460512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conatusxconatus/pseuds/conatusxconatus
Summary: AU in which 18 year-old high school dropout Ronald Goldstein looses his mind over McDonald's.
Relationships: Ronald/McDonald's
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Ronald McDonald, the Hamburger-Happy Clown

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this during the summer 6/21/19  
> not much dialogue, separated into sections (by page)  
> It's pretty ridiculous but nonetheless  
> Enjoy :P

You may know of Ronald McDonald from his infamous commercials as a creepy clown that lured children into local burger joints, especially McDonald's.

Ronald Goldstein wasn't exactly the most ordinary human being. His striking, blood-red hair and wide, gaping eyes always made him look creepy and unsettling. That combined with his crazy obsession with McDonald's made everyone steer clear of Ronald.

Now, as a child, Ronald Goldstein absolutely _loved_ McDonald's-- he adored everything about it: their savory burgers, soft, spongy, slightly stale tasting fries, chicken nuggets, hash-browns, and so much more! There was endless variety and so much to explore!

Ronald loved Sundays the most. After church, Mr. and Mrs. Goldstein would drive him to their local McDonald's and they would _f e a s t._ It was great :D

Despite this, there had always been such an unfair stigma about working at McDonald's. Workers were always treated so unfairly. Like a joke. Twelve year-old Ronald could hardly wrap his head around it. It was ridiculous! Simply astounding!

"Yeah, working at McDonald's is a minimum-wage paying job that requires no skill, so what? " he'd think.

Kids in class always made jokes about those hardworking McDonald's employees-- the same McDonald's employees that served his Happy Meals, milkshakes, 8pc. chicken nuggets, and McChicken burgers each Sunday! Ronald's frustration only grew. "How dare they insult the best people in the world?!" Ronald would cry into his 16" Ronald McDonald plush dolls. 

Eventually, Ronald had enough. On March 200, 8301, he vowed to protect his beloved McDonald's workers he loved so dearly and make McDonald's the most powerful, most revered name on the block.

...

Now you may be thinking: "How will Ronald do that?" 

Well, for the next six years, our precious, beautiful, amazing main character, studied.

He studied the art of grilling patties, drama, cinematography, and marketing, all to fulfill his ultimate goal in life-- to become 

the very best McDonald's manager like no one ever was. dundundundundundun

To catch them is my real test

To train them is my cause

I will travel across the land

Searching far and wide

Teach citizens to understand

The power that's insideeee

Mc-Don-ald's...! 

Harnessing the power of technology, Ronald planned to advertise the glories and wonders of McDonald's fast food. Once he lured them in with irresistibly charming Happy Meals, he would astound them even further! With the power of burgers! --shockingly scrumptious, greasy, addictive, and unhealthy. :D

Sadly, Ronald's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Goldstein didn't particularly approve of his like goals. They told him to "get his head out of the clouds" and to "grow up," but Ronald couldn't get it through his thick skull. Not that it would've made a difference.

Later that year, Ronald graduated from high school and even made a few friends. Of course they all worked at McDonald's so he saw them everyday.

At this point, his parents had pretty much disowned him, seeing as he wasn't going to become a doctor or a lawyer anytime soon. Not that it mattered. Ronald was an _adult_ now, and since he had nowhere else to go, practically lived at McDonald's. In the morning, Ronald went to work, and after his shift was over, he'd crawl into his sleeping spot behind the store in an alley behind a garbage bin. 

"Ah, McDonald's.. you're always there for me.. whenever I need you" he'd sigh wistfully. "I love you.." 

Many onlookers looked at Ronald with concern. One lady even reported to the police that she had been seeing "a slightly crazed red-haired hobo raving about McDonald's in a terrifying storm of muttering."

This news soon made its way into the press and they joked about how McDonald's new 'mascot' was just as trashy as the establishment itself.

Ronald was furious.


End file.
